Thursday, June 21, 2012

Pulling yourself out of a rut!!!

I have learned many times through many ruts that only you can pull yourself out. But when you are in a rut it is so hard not to keep downward spiraling. I recently was in and out of a rut for a couple months. Most of the time there is a cause behind a rut, but sometimes we fall into the rut so hard that we have no idea how we got there. It's like all these small little things that push you further and further down. At some point we try to dig ourselves out. The most important thing is to ask for help. Here are some other things I have learned that help.

1) Ask for help.
Let me go into detail on this one. Ask someone you trust for help. A best friend, parent, teacher. Someone who you know that will not judge you or give you something negative or make you feel worse. I was in this rut and I was seeking help from the wrong people. When all I needed to do was call my best friend. She knows me better than anyone and she comforted me, hugged me and talked me back into therapy. If you go to the wrong person, keep talking with people until you find the right one. After talking to my best friend, things started to turn around. (Props to Sarah Anne!)

2) Do the opposite
If you tend to be someone that is a homebody, get out and do something that you wouldn't normally do. If you go out all the time, spend some time alone. I tend to be a homebody and I also isolate.  So getting out helped distract me from my negative thoughts. I bumped into an old friend and a friend of hers at the beach and laughed for hours! It also motivated me to put an effort into organizing events with friends and getting out more!! (Thanks Meredith and Pat)

3)Do something nice
This can range from smiling at the person who made your coffee to volunteering at a nursing home. When I go out to do errands, I make sure I smile at everyone, hold doors open and wish someone a good day. Even if that person is super cranky and does not say good morning to you, say it to them! There's too many grumpy people out there and you might make their day, in turn that will make your day!!!
Try it: Smile at 3 people.

4) Feeling lonely or homesick?
I feel this way often, I miss my parents, especially on Sundays. I feel alone because my family is scattered all over the country, we never get to be together. The best advice is to get out and meet people, join a group ( is great, you can search for events and groups in your city) or call up friends you haven't seen in a while. Make an effort to strengthen rocky friendships.
Also, if you are going to call home, call home once. Don't call home everyday, it will make you miss family more (once a week is plenty enough). Put an effort into making true healthy relationships where you currently are geographically. I put this advice into action and it helped me more than anything else! (Props to Ken F. for this)

5) Get in touch with your inner child
Watch a disney movie, buy a hula hoop and a jumprope. Seriously you'll crack yourself up. If you own property buy a trampoline (or a small one - Check out Gabrielle Bernsteins book add more ~ing to your life) Wear a 'new kids on the block' shirt or pop in a NSYNC CD or dance, or all three of those at the same time!

6) Write
Weather its a story or journal entry, just do it!!!!! Just set a timer for 10- 15 minutes and pour your heart out. It might help you find out why you are in a rut. It also is a huge release. No one will read this so write all your dirty little secrets ; ) !
(I am working on a blog about writing: check back soon!)

7) Do yoga
Do yoga til you become a yoga. I don't really know what that means, maybe do yoga until you are blue in the face. Nope thats not yoganic either. Just do yoga!!!!! Try a gentle class if you are a beginner. If your not a beginner just make a commitment to get to a class. If you are broke- youtube it!!!

I was able to write this now, after I have been feeling more like myself.  I had been jotting all these things down I was doing, what worked and what didn't. I hope this will help anyone who is in a rut! These six things helped me so much. Along with amazing friends, family and a kick ass roommate. I am back in therapy and I am not afraid to admit it. Therapy is helping me get in touch with my needs and working on fulfilling them. With all of the things above I was able to pull myself out of the rut, stronger than ever!
If this has helped you please comment, give feedback. I do have more advice, contact me if you need it!!!!

Namaste !

Saturday, May 12, 2012

My Best

“Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, "I will try again tomorrow.” -Mary Anne Radmacher

 I have been struggling with a lot lately. When I think back, I realize I have been struggling for a long time. With what? I am trying to figure that out. I have been trying, but my ego tells me its not hard enough. I know right now I am doing my very best. I know that every single day is a new day, just that. Starting over and trying again tomorrow. My dad always says, "as long as you do you best, thats all you can ever do." And right now this is my best.
 I have recently been doing some spiritual work. I have found that I have depended too much on others for advice, answers, solutions to my "issues", whatever they are at the time. And of course there is always something. I listen to what people have to say, listening to their honest opinions and then I make them my own. So after this realization, knowing that I can't depend on anyone else, I am left with myself. And when I sit in silence and let my thoughts flow, I am overwhelmed. My own inner voice scares me. This is a huge problem that needs lots of work. My inner voice is what will lead me to the right place at the right time. My inner voice is what truly knows the answers to everything. Sitting down and listening and trusting my inner voice, myself, is something I have never done. It sounds and feels like a stranger. The misery I have been through is self inflicted and I know this. I also know that no one can pull me of of this misery, its completely up to me. I know that the first step is to just humbly admit that I am struggling. Then where do I go from here? I remember hearing when I was younger, turn to God. He will always be there, no matter how much time has passed since you've talked. I remember hearing this also a couple of days ago from an audiobook. Just turn over the "stuff" thats going on to God, stop trying to control it , stop trying to figure it out. So I have been trying a couple of times a day to sit and pray, not exactly to anyone specific, just sending out some stuff into the universe. Then following my prayer with a meditation. In the book Spirit Junkie it says that prayer is for asking and meditation is for receiving. I guess I need to do a lot of asking. But I need to do more asking through prayer instead of through people. Don't get me wrong the people I have turned to give great advice, but it may not be the right advice for me to follow. Whats right for one person may be completely wrong for another. And I think for years I may have been following someone elses intuition which has lead me to mass confusion and to become spiritually misaligned. 
 So now today is that new day I waited a couple of hours for. I am going to make the best of it while doing my best.  I need to get back to me, the happy person I was a couple of months ago. I need to tune into myself and tune out the rest of the advice that may not be so good for me. I choose to be happy, I choose love, I choose myself. 

Tuesday, April 24, 2012


"We either make ourselves miserable, or we make ourselves strong. The amount of work is the same -Carlos Castaneda

    Last night I did some searching. I was looking for some specific information on something I had been trying to cope with. I honestly searched until I found something bad written about the topic. I honestly forced myself into feeling like shit and becoming negative. I did not come across any of this information by chance.
 When we feel something because we are dealing with something tough we look for a way to label it. We look for a way to deal. I always ask other peoples opinions or use google therapy, but honestly its what is in my heart that is always right.  Letting it be is probably the best way and then whatever it is just kind of works its way out, sometimes good, sometimes bad but always how it is meant to be. I always use 'existence' as a way of coping. When its time to write of the day off as a shitty day, I just say 'today all you have to do is exist' and usually my day improves. Because I am not trying to force happiness or a find a solution to anything.
  And timing is always right, I don't believe in the 'right' or 'wrong' time. It is so out of our control, when we try to control we wind up hurting ourselves and knocking ourselves out of alignment. The universe or god or your HP has got your back, we don't trust in that enough. It reminds me of people who plan to get pregnant, or plan to get married by this age or plan to buy a house this year. It doesn't happen because it doesn't work that way. Just roll with it! A friend of mine told me about how she was battling with the decision to go back to school. She kind of let her ego take the stage and was riding on fear. It was funny how I wrote all of the above in my journal 4 hours before this conversation.  She got accepted to a school for something she really really wants to do and the stars are all lined up!!! I gave her my opinion but honestly she needs to listen to her heart, her inner guide. And after I gave her my piece she was pretty much told me what was in her heart, leaving the ego out. She did everything she needed to do, she did her 'part'- now all she needs to do is sit back and let the universe rock it.

"I who hold galaxies together could handle the little circumstances of your life." -A Course in Miracles

“ .....Preserve and cherish the pale blue dot, the only home we've ever known.” - Carl Sagan

Friday, March 30, 2012

Home is a place of peace.

For the past  5 years of my life my home has been a very unstable place. Let me elaborate. I moved out of my parents house 5 years ago. Ever since then I have moved about 6 times. Most of them were decisions I made to establish a better "home" environment. When I think of "home" I think of  safety, security, love, peace.  Unfortunately it took me a long time to find that. 
The first 2 apartments I had in NJ we fully of some terrible memories. When I was at rock bottom I lived in these places, they were full of negativity and anger, regret, stress, suffering and hate.  These homes supported me while I struggled with depression and an eating disorder. The images I have looking back are ones I have chosen to leave behind. The only good thing about moving is that you can start fresh and create a new aura for your new home. And this is something I always neglected to do. But not this time.
 In my new home I plan to carry no negativity, anger, hate, suffering, fear, stress etc. No raising voices or screaming. I have made this commitment to my own heart to leave everything outside. If strong negative emotion arises,  I take it outside to the dumpster and dump it.  Even if I have to physically take out the trash, garbage yoga!  It does not follow me back into my home, because once you take out the trash you don't jump in the dumpster  and grab a banana peel. Also my bedroom will be an ultimate place of peace. I sleep, read, meditate, practice yoga, get dressed and thats it. No facebook, email, phone, tv or any source of  technology turned on in my bedroom. I don't even find that this would be difficult, I am not worried, I am ecstatic!!!
I keep laughing at all the boxes and mess I am surrounded in, it is complete chaos. My ADD allows me to do 7 different things at once. So I literally have everything half packed. I am not worried, I know it will get done. I am going to take the whole day to pack, with meditation and inspirational reading breaks. I also will be reaffirming myself all day out loud "you are doing this out of love."

Friday, March 16, 2012

Prayers and answers

  Growing up Catholic I learned to pray. Well, I guess I never really understood it, I just kind of followed along. Said Hail Mary and Our Fathers, but never really understanding any of it. I did what I was told to do and what was expected of me. I never was able to do what I wanted or believe what I wanted. Coming away from that is hard. As catholics we tend to feel guilty about the things we do, we are told we are wrong. Saying I am not Catholic not only brings my mother to tears but makes me feel like I am going to hell. Go Fig~

  One day I asked someone what is the purpose of prayer, why do we pray?  I never got a straight answer- one day you will learn, one day you will understand. Well, one day I got the answer and it wasn't in a church or while saying the Our Father. I came to a yoga class I had never gone to before. It was one I would have never chose to go to, something higher brought me there. Through a meditation the message was loud and clear "just ask!" So I started asking. I also started getting answers. I call them prayers, but they have no form and they are not specifically to a god. I guess they are to the universe or air or whatever is out there that is listening. I just say something like- I need to receive more money, I have a purpose that is bigger than this and because you are bigger than me I ask this of you. And let me tell you, this was my exact prayer about two months ago. Out of the blue I received a ridiculous amount of phone calls for babysitting. I have been pulling in an extra $60-$120 a week. I also was granted more time at work so I can finish some things that stressed me out. I found a new apartment that will be about $200 cheaper a month. It was truly a blessing. I must reassure you this money will be. I also must say this money is not a free give away, I am working very hard to receive this extra money.

  Something I also have been praying on is strength in relationships. I have always struggled with relationships with people, friends specifically. I had been feeling very weak in a couple of my friendships and I did not know what the future of these friendships would be. In the past I would have thrown in the towel at the first crack in the pavement. Now I know that any good relationship takes work, mixed with a little love, even when it's hard. So love to each of these "on the rocks" friendships took a turn this week. One friendship in particular I had been upset over was with my friend Katie. I  had not seen her in a while, it was like we both dropped off the face of the earth. Katie is such an amazing friend and a great person. A very successful Surface Warfare Officer for the Navy.  I have always had this sense she was put into my life for a reason, as all people are. Every time I talk to her I walk away from the conversation feeling relaxed and at ease. She is always positive and happy and has the most amazing aura I have ever felt. She has such a great outlook on life and what I truly needed was just to be around her more. Today we talked over lunch and I told her my dreams of running a half marathon. How I have always "wanted" to be a "runner". She said lets pick a date and run 8 miles. At first I was doubtful of being able to do it, especially after never running more than 5 miles. She said, "well only reason I ran a half marathon was because someone was patient with me.  I was in your shoes once and will be patient with you." How awesome is that!!! Totally reassure me that I can any distance I want. She continued to say "I know what you mean by always wanting to be a runner, because I have always wanted to do yoga. And you are part of the reason, you inspired me." Holy crap that made me feel so awesome, I love hearing that especially because I am aspiring to be a Yoga teacher and would hope to have that reaction one day from all of my students. Going to lunch with her was a blessing, we have planned to run and do yoga together this week and I am so thrilled to share both of these with her. Both yoga and running have been huge outlets for my mind and body. They have shown me patience, mental and physical strength, love, happiness...etc...etc I could go on forever! Why not share all of this with someone who has given me so much! 
I feel so blessed and am truly thankful for all that I have in my life, who I have in my life and what has been given to me. Amen!

Thursday, March 15, 2012


So I have been thinking way too much lately, the monkey mind is having a party.  I feel like nothing is going right, I am failing and spiraling downward. I have retorted back to old ways of thinking. Anxiety has become a bad habit of mine and is where my mind goes when I can't handle all the bullshit. Duh! I'm human. Then I get angry with myself when I sit in meditation. I can't sit still, I am thinking the craziest shit. Then I sit down to write and nothing comes. I sit down with a book and I can't read two sentences. What the fuck! How do I dig myself out of this? It is awesome when you surrender and ask for help what you find.
I found this great article(blog) the other day. It was a blog someone wrote for tiny buddha. Something was finally soaking into my brain, or at least part of it. It reads(link below):

1. Acknowledge the good in yourself.

Yes, you need to improve, but see what is right with the picture, too. Perfection does not mean only seeing what is wrong.

2. Accept help from others.

Don’t be ashamed to accept help if it is going to make your life easier. Our best work can rarely be achieved single-handedly.

3. Be aware of your larger purpose.

Make an effort to not get lost in insignificant details and lose sight of your goal. Perfection does not equal nit-picking.

4. Aim for awesome, not flawless.

This can be tricky, since we could stop ourselves short fearing that we might be pushing ourselves too hard. Perfection tastes best when peppered with balance.

So after reading this I decided that I can definitely use this. I have saved it to my phone and will tape it on my bathroom mirror. I can't always be 100%. We have days that suck, we fall down. Its when we stay down that everything continues to suck. When things start to get real bad, it is important for us to look what is going right in our lives and also where we can learn and grow from the situation. That is a very hard thing to do but even if its one little thing. Look to things like the person who smiles at you or holds the door. The person who says thank you.

Sunday, February 26, 2012

Landing into the universes arms

  I am have been struggling for a while with money.  I am not in debt, I actually have never been in debt or borrowed money from anyone. I have lived on my own since I was 21 and have supported myself fully. Times got tough when I moved to Rhode Island. I am just making enough money to live. I am barely saving. And since I have to eat a certain diet because for medical reasons food costs me $85 a week, sometimes more. My medical insurance sucks, so I constantly have medical bills.
  When I lived in New Jersey, I had this abundant amount of money, I wasted a lot of it I can promise you that. I made good money at my past job(or at least compared to were I am now) but I was so unhappy. I failed miserably at job and in my relationships, everything had fallen apart. I lost so many friends, I lost a house I was purchasing, I had to move back in with my parents- It felt like the world was caving in.
  So I moved to Rhode Island trusting that it would all work out. And it did(for the most part). I was lucky enough to make money cleaning houses and nannying to make ends meet. I didn't complain. I wanted to be here, the universe sent these odd jobs to me so that I can stay here to find a job in my field. And then I did- but now I don't make any money, I don't get the respect I deserve and I don't even get to do half of the things I am allowed to do with my license. And now after being at my job for almost a year, it seems as if my responsibilities have increased, my frustrations and stress has increased, but my pay has not.
  I have been sad and stressed out, especially in the past week. I am stressed about money and finding and apartment and moving by April 1st. I miss my parents but won't have time to go see them this month. I miss my brother but a $700 plane ticket is out of the question. So yesterday the solution to my problems and stress was to just cry until I could get myself up to get laundry and unpacking from florida done. I wound up getting a lot done and making it to yoga.
  So I have to make a very big decision to stay in RI. I love it here, I would miss the beaches, the summers, I would sad to leave the awesome yoga studios I have found here. I know I need to find a different job, one that allows me to feel confident and happy, one where the pay reflects my work. There are not many jobs here in my field. Rhode Islands law and regulations of Dental Assistants are not strict at all, so my license means nothing here. But I feel this is not for me to decide. I will give it til December, 9 months. If things do not improve I will leave. I am surrendering all of my drama, worries and anxieties up to God. I am trusting the universe to take care of me. When things don't work out there is always a better way. I trust that everything will work out, even if the Jersey girl has to go back to Jersey!

Saturday, February 11, 2012

Getting Well

When we get sick it forces us to slow down. Its our body telling our mind "ok stop doing what you are doing- its not working right now!" Its never  a good time to be sick, its always in the middle of something good! I was sick this whole week, today I woke up feeling the best I have all week, why not blog about it! 

When I was a kid my mom would bring me diluted apple juice when I was sick, she'd also bring me medicine and whatever else I needed to me bed. Now I have to dilute my own juice, drive to cvs to get medicine and make my own food.  The first time I ever got sick when I had my own place, I was so miserable. I cried because no one was there to take care of me and I was so lonely.  Turns out  I learned how to take care of myself, I made one trip out to the grocery store and stocked up on medicine, apple juice of course and easy to make meals.  And I was just fine without my mommy there to take care of me ! haha! 

Now When I get sick I know its a sign from the universe that something is lacking. Usually I have been slacking at listening to my body and I get sick so I can learn to be loving, kind and patient to myself again. So this past week I said no to obligations, took a sick day, skipped 3 yoga classes :( and  cancelled plans. I feel better today because I rested and relaxed when I needed to.  I actually felt happy in the midst of physically feeling like shit. It gave my mind a break because I didn't have to think about anything or stress about anything, because I was sick and I couldn't do anything. 

I hope to carry the lesson into my life as I am getting better.  Slowing down is a good practice,feeling overwhelmed? stressed? out of control? tired? exhausted? slow down and take a nap or a bath. Some R and R for the healthy and maybe we'll never get sick!!!!

Sunday, January 29, 2012


I always had this huge idea of what love is. I thought it was something you needed to feel for someone else and thats it. That love is something you give and receive from a significant other. I come to find out that love is in every single thing in existence and it starts with us. Love comes from the inside of your heart and resonates out to whatever it is you are doing. It starts with loving yourself, if you haven't found that love, you haven't found love. When you love yourself, nothing else matters. Everything fades away and whats left is what is important in you life. You truly find what you need when you surround yourself with love. How might this pertain to your life? I know for me I have finally found what I was searching for. I looked everywhere for it and found that what I was looking for never existed, but I existed. I was left with myself and I found love. Everything else is truly starting to fade away. I stopped caring about things that once gave me severe anxiety. I don't have money or I will never be able to buy a house or I will never have the family I want. All this stupid external crap that was clogging up my mind causing me distress, I am letting it go. I am turning it over to whoever is out there- the universe?
A couple of years ago I was afraid to be alone, I always had to hang out with friends, always trying to be accepted. I smoked weed and drank a lot hung out with people who now I know never even cared about me. Then something happened, I was so alone and I felt like I had nothing!!! I tried turning to my "friends" and they were not there. At all. I would cry and freak out and have panic attacks because I didn't know how to exist without other people, it was terrible. Then in June 2007 I woke up one day in the beautiful little state of Rhode Island to find that being alone was exactly what I needed. This situation set me up for the exact place I needed to go and to be. To find peace and acceptance and love. Very messy couple of years up until this point, but I am getting there. I know what and who matters in my life. I know what I want. Life is good.

Friday, January 27, 2012

Spirit Junkie- Gabrielle Bernstein 
I just finished reading Spirit Junkie and I am feeling pretty good about what I have taken away from it.  It has really given me some good ideas and has reinforced everything I have ever believed in. definitely a must read. I can't wait to put all I learned into action. This book was the perfect addition to my 40 day program.
 Doing yoga and meditating every day is helping me see a lot of things clearer.  Allows me to be open to new ideas and helps choose the positive/ important thoughts to roll with.  It is so hard to keep up a positive open state of mind. Especially when you are surrounded by negative people or negative situations. I came from a place of negativity and after being miserable and fighting constant depression and anxiety for years I knew something had to change. I started looking at every situation as if it had a purpose in my life (or as an assignment as Gabby B says). I have always believe that everything happens for a reason. Every single moment has lead us to where we are now. I never regret anything, even the ridiculously terrible shit I have been through has helped me grow into the person I am now. Life is so amazing and a lot of people can't grasp that. If you aren't loving life or having fun, something needs to change. This week I am revisiting the topic of Equanimity.  "Equanimity is the art of meeting life as it meets you- calmly, without drama or fuss."-Baron Baptiste Giving up control over situations and letting them be. Relaxing into what is and will be, accepting whatever it is and how it is at this exact moment. From this we then can be more calm and collected when we actually need to actively deal with something. We also don't waste time dealing with worthless bullshit and can put energy into things that really matter.  In reality all we ever have to do is exist. We never really have to do anything. Obviously we need to do the things we need to do to survive. But as Americans we don't just survive, we thrive- and its a problem. We are always trying to control, force, be better but in all the wrong ways. We can never relax with how things are because that is uncomfortable and we just can't deal. I took up yoga and meditation in an effort to quiet my mind and find true purpose in life. I got way more than I asked for and I thank the universe everyday for that.  

Friday, January 20, 2012

I simply remember my favorite things and then I don't feel so bad...

Over the past couple of years I have become in touch with a deeper side of myself.  Its as if everything I hear resonates inside of me. I forget a lot of stuff people say, but there are certain things I have heard along the way that have stayed with me. Things that I was meant to hear and meant to remember. I would like to share those now!!!

A yoga instructor who subbed for my normal yoga instructor said something to me that I probably will never forget. She basically said, People say "the world doesn't revolve around you" when in fact the world does revolve around you. Think about it. You wouldn't do anything you didn't want to do. I spent alot of time doing something I call "people pleasing" I would say yes to everything. Even if I had to sacrifice myself or my well being. I was afraid of people not liking me or "missing out" on something. But what I truly was missing was just the ability to be happy with myself, by myself. Wont get into that now. So basically from that moment on I just kind of let the world revolve around me, with the exception of certain things. I know now how to say NO when I don't feel up to something. I know when I need time to myself. I know when I need a yoga class. I guess she never had anything else to say because the universe never brought her back.

Another one of my favorite statements is "Its not my problem" - more specifically "Its not my problem you feel that way" I use it a lot especially when I don't feel like someone is expressing their feelings to me lovingly(nicely put Allison). If you don't like me because of this or that, than it is your own demon as to why you feel that way. Usually when we feel some kind of negative feeling towards another, there is deeper shit there. Thats why we back away and breathe before we react. Even then- its still not my problem you feel that way. In this world we can only be responsible for ourselves, not others. Everyones nuts, I am nuts! So yeah the world does revolve around me, and I like it that way. I do love my friends and family- just putting that out there!!!

One of my all time favorites is from my buddy Bob, Bob Marley that is.  "...Before you start pointing fingers, make sure your hands are clean!"  If your not perfect, you can't expect anyone else to be, we are human. I always wanted to be perfect but am confused about the meaning. How can you want something you don't even understand?! Maybe perfection is a completeness with in the mind, which means you are the only one that can feel perfection within yourself. It is NOT physical. Maybe perfection is an illusion, just like fear.... but what do I know!

So I don't know how all of that made anyone feel, but it made me feel pretty damn good. I thought of these 3 things during my Yin Yoga class today. Yin yoga is a very deep practice in which poses are held for a long period of time. This opens up a lot of deep thought and emotional stuff. No shit!

Sunday, January 15, 2012


I figured I'd open this up to the public also- 
I started a new blog because I wanted a different name... I am so weird.

40 Days

I started this program last week called 40 Days to Personal Revolution. I did it last year and it really opened my eyes. I learned to meditate and I deepened my yoga practice.  I found out that a lot of issues I thought I had dealt with, still existed. I never finished the 40 days last year and I sure as hell did not keep up my meditation or yoga practice. Its not an excuse, but I got really sick last winter.  If I stuck with yoga and meditating it all would have been dealt with a lot better. Everything might not have been so bad. Especially because a lot of physical pain come from your state of mind. Besides the point! I am doing a second round of 40 days this year, with my new studio. Its different this time. I have read the book again and my mind has found things I did not see before. In the past week I have mediated every morning, wrote a lot, done yoga every night and have been eating well. Well, I could do a lot better with the eating portion, but I know I'll get there. So I am tapping into my awareness through meditation, I am not doing any chanting or crazy breathing methods, just sitting with myself and my thoughts and clearing them out. Cleansing out what my mind does not need. I am becoming so aware of everything. Lots of things are surfacing. I am feeling a lot of emotions. I am realizing I have no idea what compassion is. I am very hard on myself, I would never say the things I say to myself to a friend, I would never judge someone the way I judge myself. As terrible as some realizations are, becoming aware of them is the first step. A light bulb goes on when you realize something about yourself,  that doesn't mean you will know how to deal with it at that moment, but you get warmer every time you tap into it. Yoga has helped me do just that. Yoga has been life changing, from the second I accidentally stepped into a heated vinyasa class. I am luckily very flexible, but one thing I have always struggled with is arm balances. I back out because I can't fucking do side crow- I just quit. And its all relative to life. If you step on the mat and you say I can't- you wont, and that's almost a promise that when shit gets tough in life, you do the same. So how to we change that mindset- the I can't, I can't, I can't do this. Its not like the little engine- were not 5, the I think I can... I think I can.. doesn't really work. You can't just THINK you have to DO. If something is not aligned in your life you need to work at it. It is hard but in 2012 we have this thing called the internet, you can find out anything in 2 seconds. But you have to be open and willing. In my yoga practice this week there were two poses I did I could never do before. I dropped the fear and guess what!? I didn't fall on my face. I also didn't give a fuck what anyone thought. I know that fear is anxiety caused by thinking about the past or the future, when you live in this moment there is no fear. A lot easier said than done.