I am have been struggling for a while with money. I am not in debt, I actually have never been in debt or borrowed money from anyone. I have lived on my own since I was 21 and have supported myself fully. Times got tough when I moved to Rhode Island. I am just making enough money to live. I am barely saving. And since I have to eat a certain diet because for medical reasons food costs me $85 a week, sometimes more. My medical insurance sucks, so I constantly have medical bills.
When I lived in New Jersey, I had this abundant amount of money, I wasted a lot of it I can promise you that. I made good money at my past job(or at least compared to were I am now) but I was so unhappy. I failed miserably at job and in my relationships, everything had fallen apart. I lost so many friends, I lost a house I was purchasing, I had to move back in with my parents- It felt like the world was caving in.
So I moved to Rhode Island trusting that it would all work out. And it did(for the most part). I was lucky enough to make money cleaning houses and nannying to make ends meet. I didn't complain. I wanted to be here, the universe sent these odd jobs to me so that I can stay here to find a job in my field. And then I did- but now I don't make any money, I don't get the respect I deserve and I don't even get to do half of the things I am allowed to do with my license. And now after being at my job for almost a year, it seems as if my responsibilities have increased, my frustrations and stress has increased, but my pay has not.
I have been sad and stressed out, especially in the past week. I am stressed about money and finding and apartment and moving by April 1st. I miss my parents but won't have time to go see them this month. I miss my brother but a $700 plane ticket is out of the question. So yesterday the solution to my problems and stress was to just cry until I could get myself up to get laundry and unpacking from florida done. I wound up getting a lot done and making it to yoga.
So I have to make a very big decision to stay in RI. I love it here, I would miss the beaches, the summers, I would sad to leave the awesome yoga studios I have found here. I know I need to find a different job, one that allows me to feel confident and happy, one where the pay reflects my work. There are not many jobs here in my field. Rhode Islands law and regulations of Dental Assistants are not strict at all, so my license means nothing here. But I feel this is not for me to decide. I will give it til December, 9 months. If things do not improve I will leave. I am surrendering all of my drama, worries and anxieties up to God. I am trusting the universe to take care of me. When things don't work out there is always a better way. I trust that everything will work out, even if the Jersey girl has to go back to Jersey!
Saturday, February 11, 2012
When we get sick it forces us to slow down. Its our body telling our mind "ok stop doing what you are doing- its not working right now!" Its never a good time to be sick, its always in the middle of something good! I was sick this whole week, today I woke up feeling the best I have all week, why not blog about it!
When I was a kid my mom would bring me diluted apple juice when I was sick, she'd also bring me medicine and whatever else I needed to me bed. Now I have to dilute my own juice, drive to cvs to get medicine and make my own food. The first time I ever got sick when I had my own place, I was so miserable. I cried because no one was there to take care of me and I was so lonely. Turns out I learned how to take care of myself, I made one trip out to the grocery store and stocked up on medicine, apple juice of course and easy to make meals. And I was just fine without my mommy there to take care of me ! haha!
Now When I get sick I know its a sign from the universe that something is lacking. Usually I have been slacking at listening to my body and I get sick so I can learn to be loving, kind and patient to myself again. So this past week I said no to obligations, took a sick day, skipped 3 yoga classes :( and cancelled plans. I feel better today because I rested and relaxed when I needed to. I actually felt happy in the midst of physically feeling like shit. It gave my mind a break because I didn't have to think about anything or stress about anything, because I was sick and I couldn't do anything.
I hope to carry the lesson into my life as I am getting better. Slowing down is a good practice,feeling overwhelmed? stressed? out of control? tired? exhausted? slow down and take a nap or a bath. Some R and R for the healthy and maybe we'll never get sick!!!!