Sunday, December 11, 2011
Quieting the mind
I met up with a good friend today. I talked to her about some struggles I have been having. She told me I need to write as an outlet for the things I need to get out. I enjoy writing a lot. But my fears in writing are that what I write won't make sense or I will use improper grammar. Those are just fears. Fears are like little fences we put up. You want what is on the other side of that fence but you won't open the fence or jump over it or find a way around. And you don't do that because of this illusion you have, because that's what fear is an illusion you create to make sense out of something that makes no sense. And since none of this makes sense, fear is stupid and not real. It almost as if you fear this thing and it becomes your reality because you were scared it would happen. So I went off on a tangent, but there is more to this than just fears of my writing being horrible. I fear falling in love/being hurt/rejection. I fear trusting people, learning that I can only trust my intuition and gut. I fear communication and how my feelings could hurt someone. And fear is a snowball, once you fear one thing you start fearing everything, and then you fear yourself. Then you loose yourself. Then you stop feeling your own emotions. And that's why I titled this quieting the mind, because mine needs to shut the fuck up and it wont. So I need to start meditating again and stop listening to every thought that comes through this brain I have.